yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
