ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize