There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I want a musical about memes.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
