I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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