but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
