just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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