Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
