Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
