so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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