The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
