So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have aggressive nipples.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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