Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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