How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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