I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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