just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
In other news, I just burned my penis
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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