The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
