I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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