someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
