Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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