It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
