Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
