Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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