Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
