Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
