Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
