If that was your dad, he is hot
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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