I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
