I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
