I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
