bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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