Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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