After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I want to be your penis for a week.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize