...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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