maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize