This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
