I cockslap morals
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
