I wanna passion pit in your ass
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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