That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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