I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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