I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
