Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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