Sry I called you an 8
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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