he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
