I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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