y did u give ur computer a hand job?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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