My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
