You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My pussy is not your playground.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
