she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
