He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
