The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
