I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize