The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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