so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
we made out on top of his cat.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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