I look better un-naked...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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