I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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