even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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