like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
the liver wants what the liver wants
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
