everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My penis needs a shock collar
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
