so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
