I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
