Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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