you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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