So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
