Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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