I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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