very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
