He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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