You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
