remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
