I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
NoShamevember. You game?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
