Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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